i drink to quench my thirst for meth. i love to shoot up speed. i havent done it since i left rehab. which has been over a year now. but in exchange i have been struggling with drinking for 6 months now.
my wife left me because of my inability to stop drinking. i stopped using just to be with her; this was her ultimatum when we got together about 8 years ago. we have a daughter together. we thought our love should be shared with a child of our own and that responsibility would get us to quit drinking.
towards the end of our relationship she became quite violent. ultimately putting me in the back of an ambulance unconcsious and bleeding from the head. how i miss her now. i miss the fact that even a black eye from her drunkeness represents physical contact and love for me. i know thats messed up but im a messed up person and we had a messed up relationship.
after the seperation i went back to shooting dope. i didnt like to mix dope and liquor. which i thought was a good thing; i was getting off the sauce finally. maybe shed have me back. delusion.
i got way too high way too quick. went to the ER to sleep it off. i woke up and went to harmony rehab in estes park. after that i came home. i went to meetings, and still do, every night. however i didnt work the program and after 7 months went back out. i still went to meetings. sometimes drunk. im only drinking now and would love to be part of the ‘we’ program. i dont know how to be social or how to make friends or how to even start a conversation. but all of that is my problem and i see multiple medical professionals for that.
i met charles hughes at vietality. young looking guy i could tell right off he had something about him. i remember seeing him get 30 days and how different he looked. i saw him the night he showed up at vietality completely drunk and gone. he was rambling about his friend that he had lost some time ago. he must have been in a place that nobody could help him get out of. i miss seeing him there. i feel like i knew him for longer that i did.
id really like to not see other people go down the same road and never travel back. but im only 13months into this program and im sure if i stick around long enough ill see some more….unfortunately. all you can do then is remember and pray.